Showing posts with label Wildwood Soul O Silk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wildwood Soul O Silk. Show all posts

She and I: Remembering Sapphire

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    Sapphire. I named her before she was born.

   It was the spring of 2008 and my favourite mare, Silk, was expecting her first foal. What would I call this special one? In the early hours of a day in May, I awoke from a sound sleep and that question was answered. "Silk is going to have a filly and I am naming her Sapphire!' Where did that come from? That name was not even on my list of names. But so it was. Sapphire was born in late day light as my friends were arriving for Horsewoman's Weekend at Wildwood Reining Horses. The delivery was normal and Silk bonded as she should. Sapphire had arrived and she was a perfect, delicate copy of her mother. I bought her a pink halter because she was so feminine.

Silk and Sapphire

   The little sorrel filly didn't take long to show me some fancy moves. Like her dam, she had "sting" but with a gentleness too. I loved her to bits but worried too that she was fragile. My neighbour, who did chores for me one weekend, worried too. "She looks like a little deer," she said. "I'm scared something will happen to her on my watch."

Down the fence we go!

Strutting her stuff


As a yearling

    Sapphire managed to injure herself a couple of times but other than that, grew up normally on my property in the Chilcotin. As a yearling, she babysat the next foal crop through their weaning time. She was not much bigger than they were. As a two-year-old, I started her under saddle but rode her only lightly that year because of her size. She never bucked but she could get pretty excited like Silk did. In 2011, her three year old year, she should have been competing in three-year-old reining futurities but she was behind in training and very immature mentally. I was in no rush. However, I retired from the reining pen that year so she was never shown.

She Always Knows

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In the last post, I tried to put into words how I felt about moving to my new property in Alberta. The best I could do was to say I just didn't feel like starting over. I had been in B.C. 30 years and was living the dream on my own property - I would miss the mountains, the people.

I may not have been the only one with those feelings.

I knew long before I moved I didn't feel the joy I should have to be re-locating. When someone congratulated me on the sale of my property, I had to hold back tears. As I went about daily chores on my property, it hurt to know I had to leave it. As the time approached though, I was too busy to think  much. There was a job to do, a big job, and that took all of my energy. The animals, of course, (or so I thought) were oblivious to pending changes. Mischa happily hopped into the truck thinking we were going on an adventure and the horses loaded into the trailer thinking clinic, trail ride?? For sure they all thought we would be returning.

On the property in Alberta, Mischa was not happy. She didn't eat for a few days and did not want me to leave her in the house even for a few minutes. Finally, she accepted what she couldn't change.

It took Silk longer. When I turned her and Mistral into the pen under the trees, she spent a lot of time gazing off in the distance, like she was thinking deep thoughts, which I'm pretty sure she was. At eighteen years, she apparently did not take change that well. Although Mistral seemed only a little displaced, Silk was sad.


Since she is so connected with me, I had assumed she would be fine with the new property as long as I was with her. But she was longing for something that I couldn't provide. I didn't get it.

Or did I? Wait a minute. Connected to me. Of course. That was the answer.  She mirrored my mood as she always had - the pensiveness, the lethargy! It was like looking at myself... And is it a coincidence she stood looking west? No, I think not.

It was not the first time or will it be the last that Silk will pick up on feelings I think I have hidden, like another time she tuned in to me in She Breathes on my Heart. As a friend of mine said to me after watching Silk in a Working Cowhorse competition, "What a mare!"

And so this post is for Silk, my little warrior and my heart. She never lets me down, even when I do. Although she is truly a talented mare athletically, it is her intelligence, grit and telepathic abilities I love. She picks up more from one meeting with a person than a psychiatrist could in ten! And she ALWAYS knows what I am thinking. Every horse person should have one like her.
Silk (left) with Mistral looking happier today.

Hug your horse and have a great day!

She Breathes on my Heart

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"In the steady gaze of my horse shines a silent eloquence that speaks of love and loyalty, strength and courage. It is the window that reveals to me how willing her spirit, how generous her heart."

The above roughly-paraphrased quote from an unknown author embodies a sentiment I have always known to be true but of which I am reminded of from time to time. This past week was one of those times.

My connection to my horses and theirs to me has always been strong, so much so that I take little notice but sometimes what passes between us is more - telepathic, even spiritual. So palpable I can 'feel' it. I write about such a time in the blog posts, A Peace in their Presence, a morning when my mares bathed me in peace and softness, and A Filly Named Feather, how a special filly lifted me. Then, in A Life With Horses, about how four foals supported me in the only way they knew how at a particularly difficult time in my life:
Oddly, the four foals sensed my emotional dependency. They attached themselves to me in an almost protective way. They never failed to greet me when I walked into their field. They checked in to see how I was doing and then, satisfied I was all right, wandered back to their mothers. I thought they needed me (and of course they did), but they knew I needed them more. They gave me a safe place to fall. (From A Life With Horses)
August 2004: Wildwood Honor, Wildwood Splendor, Running With Wolves, Wildwood Courage

This past week my horses again offered a safe, soft place to fall.

Wildwood Sapphire

I arrived back home from an overnight in Emergency at Williams Lake hospital (See I Fought Them All and They All Won) last Sunday afternoon and immediately checked my horses. I could see the four mares that pastured together in the river field waiting at the fence to greet me and I walked there first. Something was different. Although they often come for a visit, today they were more attentive. Actually, where they before asked for attention, now they were giving attention. I first noticed the change in Sapphire, my four-year-old mare. She hung at the fence longer, lowered her head to be stroked, ran her nose up and down my arm and face. Breathed on me. Generally, she and her friend, Mistral, both came to me but that day, Sapphire was more interested in me than Mistral. She wanted to be at my side.

Wildwood Soul O Silk

Silk also, was unusually attentive. Her eyes never left me, her ears forward listening, her body relaxed and giving. Although she always looks at me like she really 'sees' me, now she looked at me with tenderness too. Was I imagining this? I don't think so because two days later, as I walked down the trail to the bottom, the mares met me. Silk looked at me again like that as if to say, " I am so glad to see you! I was just coming up to check..." 

I love this mare with a love that frightens me. Her soul and mine are enmeshed in a way I cannot explain. Although I have the support of friends and family, Silk is here for me every day in every way. I feel that although she does not speak. No. She does speak  . . . but in a different language . . . and I am so grateful. 



Of all the horses I have ever owned, Silk is perhaps the most intuitive. Highly intelligent with a raw energy that could scare some riders, she and I bonded the day she was born and we have not been apart for long ever since that time. She likes to know where I am and the feeling is mutual.

That these two mares of all my horses should be the ones who "gathered 'round" for the past several days should not have surprised me. Sapphire is Silk's daughter. She is also the daughter of Running With Wolves, one of the four foals in the photo above.

I didn't catch Sapphire last Sunday even though she wanted me to. On Monday, though, I relented. I turned her in the pen opposite the house, the one I can see from my window. We're both happy with that arrangement. On Tuesday I rode her to check fence/ gate in the river field. Although she is often high-spirited like her mother, looking for bears in the bush, she was not that day. She walked quietly, head down and relaxed as we circled the pasture, waded into the channel of the river and up the hill home again. Sapphire is continuing the legacy of her dam, Silk and maybe her grandmother, Tamarac, great-grandmother, Mahogany, and great-great grandmother, Duchess. All those fine mares "carried me" in good times and in challenging ones.

To some of my readers, this may seem like a lot of nonsense; others will understand perfectly. As I heal and adjust to a new reality, I value even more the company of my horses, who give back more than I can ever give to them. They breathe on my heart.   

Just "grade" or just plain great?

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My business is the horse business. For almost 40 years I have raising, training and selling registered Quarter Horses. On Thanksgiving weekend, as I watched my 2011 weanlings leave the yard with their new owners, I thought back to the beginning of my relationship with the Quarter Horse.

Feather, Timber and Whiskey with new owners.
That was a long time ago – 1966 – and since that time have bred, raised and ridden many. But what about the horses I rode (and loved) before? What about the “grade” horses in my life? And… are these purebred, “Cadillac” horses I ride now as tough as the mixed breed models I rode all day on roundups then hauled to horse shows in the back of the truck on the weekend? Or are they better?

Grade horses settled the west long before I came on the scene. They carried riders, pulled wagons, sleighs, mowers, rakes and stone boats, they packed unbelievable loads into areas not accessible to wagons. They endured hardships beside their owners. Most of all they willingly served. They had to be tough to survive . . . and sound! Although the definition of “soundness” remains the same today, the importance of a sound horse in those demanding conditions was much higher. Whether in the unsettled, vastness of Saskatchewan (where I grew up) or the harsh wilderness of the Chilcotin (where I live now), horses often meant the difference between life and death – and those horses were always grade horses, the result of select breeding all right, but of the "toughest and most sound", not the prettiest! One has to admire and respect those horses. Call them what you will – grade, unregistered, mustangs – they contributed to our ancestors’ survival!

The first horse I remember is a plain brown mare with a kind heart. Pronto belonged to my mother but she was the first horse I rode by myself and, of course, she was grade.  Mom's favourite was one of Pronto’s daughters, Pride, and that black, grade mare was one of the gutsiest horses I will ever know. To say she had “heart” does not adequately describe her courage in the face of a variety of adverse conditions and expectations. Mom rode her almost every day in the spring, summer and fall. In the years she taught school, she used her to get there; she checked cattle, cut anything out that needed to come home and rounded up huge fields on Pride; and she rode the six miles out of the ranch to pick up the mail on her – summer and winter! Mom often said Pride would never quit – she would keep going until she died trying…
Mo with Pride and Charm (Pride's sister)
Dad rode Tex in those years. I don't remember Tex very well although I have a picture of dad holding me as a baby on him. I think he must have died when I was very young. Besides ranch work, Tex carried Dad in the calf roping event at the Calgary Stampede. Do you think any calf ropers ride horses that are not registered today?

Dad and Tex

When I was about fourteen, Mom and Dad decided I could ride Rocky. Like Pride, he was not a purebred animal: like Pride he was black; like Pride, also, he was high energy with a never-quit attitude. I loved it. Rocky carried me over the Coteau Hills on roundups, fun "free" rides bareback in the paddock, through the snowbanks on not-so-much-fun rides to the farm where I boarded to go to school in the winter and around barrels and poles at rodeos and horse shows. I ran him the last time at a rodeo at Clearwater Lake when he was twenty years old. He won the pole bending and placed in the barrel racing. He had six happy years of retirement on the ranch before I had to say good bye.
Rocky

Eventually, my parents gave me a horse – a grade, but with a Quarter Horse sire. They had invested in a Quarter Horse stallion, Copper Red Boy, and he had sired my Cheetah. Her dam, however, was a grade mare we called Cherry. I was told she had Thoroughbred and Standardbred blood and certainly that made sense since a few good Thoroughbred stallions had come in to the country. Cherry had not been ridden much. A hired man started her one winter and described her as “the roughest horse he had ever ridden” He said the saddle jerked forward and back when she walked. I guess we can credit Red for taking that out of her colts because she had several by him and they were not rough-gaited.
Cheetah
Cheetah was another Pride or Rocky. She was small, only 14.1, and fine-boned but she was tough. She handled the cold, snow-deep trail I rode in winter with just as much guts as Rocky had. I barrel-raced, flat-raced her and anything else I wanted. She remained sound until, retired and raising foals, she was kicked in the knee.

So . . . as I look around at my herd of registered Quarter Horses I have to ask myself if they would have what it took to do the work I did with those grade horses. I can’t be sure, but I think not . . . except for one. Wildwood Soul O Silk would carry me until she dropped. She has many of the same qualities of Pride, Rocky and Cheetah - one tough little horse!

Silk "going down the fence"
"Just a grade," I would say when someone asked me about Cheetah, but I think now I sold her short. I should have left out "just" and said, "She's grade," with the pride she deserved.

A Filly Named Feather

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She entered the world on June 8, 2011, a little, rather scrawny, bony sorrel filly with distinctive markings - a bold white strip down her face missing a chunk  (like someone had bit a piece out of it!) that turned up on the left side of her back in the form of an unusual, irregular-shaped spatter of white -  like someone flicked a paint brush at her. I had not been looking forward to this foal and now I had a crop-out! I was not thrilled.
 
 
It had been a traumatic and sorrowful foaling season. Easter required emergency measures to save her baby and Prima lost the foal I had pinned dreams on. In fact, I had lost a piece of myself when I buried Baby Wimpy. I dreaded the last mare foaling. Whether I liked it or not, though, Silk was going to foal. I monitored her progress more out of duty than joy,  and now here the baby was - with her own set of problems - I had to drag her out of the stall when her mother colicked, then rescue her again a couple of hours later when mom had a panic attack! Although she was unfazed, I had had enough.

"When will it end?" I thought. "I'm tired and I don't want any more foals - ever!"

I gave her the name I had picked for Prima's foal had it been a filly (It wasn't.) - Feather. I had already decided not to plan ahead to next year even if I suceeded in getting Prima back in foal to Wimpys Little Step and giving the name away was part of that. Much had been attached to that name...(Read Feathers and Faith.) I let it go...

Feather is a month old now. Until recently I didn't pay much attention to her. I cared for them of course, even took a few photos, but I didn't halter her, pet her or hang out with her. I had nothing left to give and she and the two colts were just reminders of a painful memory that wouldn't go away.

Apparently Feather had other ideas. She always came to greet me, ignoring my indifference. If I sat in a lawn chair while Silk grazed, Feather would come up behind me and nuzzle my hair. She wouldn't leave me alone, wouldn't take "no" for an answer. And she won. Slowly, I emerged from my self-imposed, self-indulgent "funk". I noticed how pretty she was, how personality oozed from every pore, how she tried so hard for me to make me notice her. Feather was accomplishing what nothing else could. She was bringing me back to life. Like the gentle touch of a feather, she drew me to her. She is teaching me to love her. And the white spot on her back? It's growing too... and I'm learning to love it because it is part of her, a part of a very sassy filly who is filling a hole in my heart.



The spot that makes Feather special



And so I must consider the possibility that my choice of the name, "Feather", had a far greater purpose than for a Wimpys Little Step filly. That name was meant to belong to a pretty, little sorrel filly with a big heart and the motivation to stir mine. Am I healed enough to face another loss? I don't know. But the other half of the title of that post last winter was "Faith". Remember - feathers are believed to protect and to carry spiritual messages. And I have my Feather.

Walking Through It

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Those of you who read this blog every week will notice that I have not posted for the last month. Those of you who know me, will understand why if you read the last blog. I have been walking through it.

It is exactly a month today since I lost my Wimpys Little Step foal and since that time I have flat-lined. I feed my horses, I ride, eat, sleep - but with no joy. Although I have always seen things in technicolor, now my world is somewhat colorless. Losing first my dog, then the foal that I had pinned dreams to, darkened my  world. 

Writing out my pain in "Beam Me Up, Scotty!" may have been therapeutic but I had a long way to go and still do. There is no shortcut to the other side, no way around, no way to avoid it - I have to walk directly through the pain. 

Life does go on. I had long ago planned a Vern Sapergia clinic May 27-29. As that time approached, I knew I had to muster energy to do all the things that needed to be done to make that happen. I cleaned the entire house since I had guests, planned meals, even baked the butter tarts that Vern likes so much, but because I had dragged my feet for so long, the grass did not get mowed and the windows did not get done. I rode my young stallion, Walking With Wolves, in the clinic and he was fantastic. Vern rode Running With Wolves and he was fantastic. Still I did not feel the surge of joy I usually feel when my horses do well. I was still walking through it.

Vern Sapergia on Runnning With Wolves
Walking With Wolves and I in Vern Sapergia clinic

The worst part of it was that I now did not look forward to the birth of my last foal. Silk was due May 20... and I was terrified. Not only did the joy go out of it for me, it was replaced by terror. I am not a fearful person and I can't remember the last time I was scared of anything but the thought of another limp, lifeless foal in front of me terrified me. But I knew I would have to face my fears.

Silk did not make it easy on me. She was late - very late! On gestation day 362 at 12:20 AM, she finally delivered a sorrel filly. My relief was short-lived. She jumped up, laid down again and started to roll. Colic??

"Perfect!" I thought. "Now I'm going to lose a mare!"

I dragged the newborn out of the stall so she would not get rolled on and went for Banamine and gave her the shot. After a few minutes, when she seemed to calm a little, I brought the filly back in but I could not go back to bed for some time - until I was sure she would not start thrashing around again. Finally, when she and the baby were laying down, I retired to the tack room... only to be abruptly wakened by a commotion in the foaling stall. Silk was having a full-blown anxiety attack. With a lot of talking from me and the foal sucking she calmed down again. I decided she was upset with the stallion in the barn (or any other horse!) so, at 4:00 AM I moved horses so she could have the barn to herself. Later I wondered if a bear had walked by the barn (if so, I was walking around with the bear!) OR was it the stallion OR had Silk picked up on my fears?
Silk and Feather
At five days old, little Feather is thriving and I am learning to love her and trying to believe she will not be taken. Scotty didn't "beam me up" of course, and he won't. Life is not like that. With my first show of the year only 10 days away, I am trying very hard to believe in all things good again but it's a process. I'm still walking through it.